It’s Just a Toy…

I find it incredible how my son Canaan reacts to something as simple as a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. One simple little toy will light up his day with a boundless amount of joy. And that simple toy then leads him into his world of limitless imagination. Leonardo was simply a toy in a package, but once he comes out of the package, he is off to one adventure after another. When it’s time to go to school Leonardo is set on the table, in a chair, in the car to wait for his next adventure when Canaan returns from school. Then it’s off to help his fellow ninja turtles to save the day from the evil shredder.

I’m simply amazed by this everyday, and reminded that I once had that. I once held the ability to imagine greatly and bring myself anywhere. For me it was playing ninja turtles in my wooden fort in the back yard. Climbing the ladder up to, what was in reality a 5’ x 5’ play area, but for my younger self was the secret lair where Mikey and his brothers lived. Then, shredder would attack but the turtles would always end up having the upper hand and shredder would inevitably be thrown off the side or down the slide.

I had such an imagination, just like Canaan has now. While I don’t feel the urge to play with my toys like i did when I was his age, I do feel the urge to imagine things in my life and then attempt to bring them to fruition.

I hate that I have lost that. It is something that is so powerful and full of potential. I think this is where the incredible urge that I have to “create” comes from. Life sucks with no imagination. It turns life into a “To-Do” list. Go to work ✅, cook dinner ✅, help the kids with homework ✅, don’t forget to tidy the house before you go to bed ✅. Where’s the living? Where’s the imagination? Where’s the joy? It gets sprinkled in the tiny cracks that life hasn’t filled in yet. And trust me, life will find those cracks every chance you give it. Life will always have another responsibility for you to take on or another obstacle for you to attempt to hurdle over.

The saddest part? We put ourselves in this situation because we let society lead us instead of allowing our soul to be the light that guides us. This is something that I am trying so hard to change in my life. I no longer turn to society for direction in my life, or at least I try not to, it’s an urge that is so ingrained in me that, at times, it feels impossible to overcome. It feels as though looking to society is the answer to “Life”. But it’s not, I just know it, the answer to “Life” is anchored within our souls and within our imaginations.

What in your life is a result of external guidance? How much have you locked away inside you in order to seek external validation? For me, it’s an immense amount over the past 2 decades. I let society talk me into pursuing so many things that were never part of my vision for my life. And now 20 years into adulthood I am the most miserable I have ever been, with the exception of my family of course. Even being mindful of all of these words, I have moments of clarity and bliss that are amazing. Then as quickly as they came, it seems life drowns them out with its own agenda. So everyday I do my best to simplify my life by removing the need for external validation. I don’t have a high success rate with this yet, but everyday is an opportunity to get a little closer to that goal. I will inevitably fail and fall into the trap of seeking “societies approval” but I have to stay mindful, stay grateful and continue to let go of things in my life that no longer serve me and that keep me anchored to a version of myself that is not of my own desire. It is one of the most difficult and drawn out processes I’ve ever started. But I know it will be worth it in the end.

Man it’s funny how thinking of Canaan playing with his ninja turtles leads me to these thoughts. But that’s all part of the process for me. I see something like that and start to write about it and before you know it I’ve spilled my thoughts out for what feels like hours. But in reality was maybe 1 hour.

Thank you Canaan. Thank you for opening my eyes to this amazing world that life has covered up the past 20 years. You are the beacon of light in my soul that I search for everyday.